Our family blog is going through an existential crisis. Every day, it asks itself why it exists and why no one ever uses it. It ponders if perhaps it has outlived it’s usefulness and effectiveness. And, it wonders if perhaps there is a better, easier way to keep a family record. And, maybe, just maybe, it’s a little jealous of Facebook that seems to get more of the attention now. Darn attention hog, that Facebook!
But, for now, the blog will continue to exist. Maybe not for long, but for now.
And, since the blog is in such an introspective mood, it began thinking about all the change that it has seen over the years. It has seen major life changes like babies and moving and death. It has seen minor changes like kids playing sports and taking vacations. But, the one thing that it always marks is change.
Today was another of those changes. To some it may be big, and to others it may be small. The four Gee kids (one of whom wasn’t even born when this blog began) went back to school.
Back to school means different things to each of the kids who have grown up here on this blog. To Kelsey it is excitement to see friends and the joy that comes from learning.
And, for the Mom? Well, there is not one word that can adequately define what she is feeling. There is relief – let’s just be honest – that she doesn’t have to entertain 4 kids every day and feel guilty when they spend a large chunk of most days playing video games. There is tiredness because that stinking alarm clock rung awfully early this morning. There is happiness that her kids are growing up and becoming real people who are actually enjoyable to be around. There is sadness that those same kids who are so fun will not be around during the day to hug and make her smile. There is pride as she watches them bravely walk into new situations and do their absolute best. There is fear – especially watching a young 6th grader enter middle school for the first time – that it will be hard and her kids will have to find the strength to stand on their own two feet without her there. There is anxiety that they won’t make friends or that kids will be mean to them or they will get lost or they won’t be able to open their locker or that they won’t know how to go through the lunch line or a million other scenarios that have played out it her head. There is excitement knowing all the new things they will get to experience and feel in the next year. There is gratitude for the teachers who will give a part of themselves to fill a role that she cannot. There is a calmness as she looks around her quiet house and realizes that if she cleans something it may actually stay clean for a few hours. And, there is a sense of anticipation because the kids will be home in a few short hours to fill her house with joy and laughter and noise (and probably fighting and whining because they’re so tired from school, but we won’t talk about those).
It is kind of nice that there is a blog – a woefully underused blog, but a blog nonetheless – that helps to mark the changes that happen in life and the feelings that accompany them. Maybe it’s existence isn’t useless after all. 🙂