There are a few things that I am determined are pure evil – dirt, any dental tool . . . and running. Ever since my junior high days where the terrible people who go by the pseudonym of “gym teachers” made me run, I have hated it. But, every once in a while, I have an insane desire to tie on my running shoes and hit the pavement. Normally, that desire lasts approximately 37 seconds until I remember that running isn’t fun. And it’s hard. And people may see me and laugh. Unfortunately for me (and anyone watching), this is one of those times.
A few weeks ago, a friend posted on their blog about their adventures in running. They’ve been doing a program called “Couch to 5K”. I was intrigued. Running a 5K has always been one of my goals. Oh, and did I mention there’s an app for my phone with a nice English lady who tells me when to walk, run and gives me encouragement? Yeah, that pretty much sold me. It basically breaks down running into weeks, and each week you run a little more. So, tonight I got out those trusty shoes, dusted them off, and set off. I was supposed to run 1 minute and walk 1 1/2 minutes – repeated 8 times. How hard can that be? I can run for 1 minute, right? Let me walk you through my first attempt.
RUNNING MINUTE #1 – Set off with energy. I can do this. Until the calming, English lady told me I still had 30 seconds left. Why is a minute so long?
RUNNING MINUTE #2 – WHY AM I RUNNING UPHILL? I will now spend the next 10 minutes plotting my route so I don’t have to run up any more hills.
RUNNING MINUTE #3 – Okay, maybe I’ll make it. Praying I don’t see anyone I know during the running portions.
RUNNING MINUTE #4 – I am pretty sure I am going to have a deep-seated hatred of all English people by the time I am done with week nine. Yes, I know I’m almost half-way through. All I hear is that I still have half to go. Thanks for reminding me.
RUNNING MINUTE #5 – My leg muscles now hurt as I start to run. Are you serious? I’ve only run for FOUR minutes!
RUNNING MINUTE #6 -My face is burning and I can feel my heartbeat in my head. That’s not bad, right?
RUNNING MINUTE #7 – I’ve completely forgotten why I’m doing this? Was it a choice? Did I do something horrible that I am being punished for? Why me?
RUNNING MINUTE #8 – My run is more of a shuffle. I’m not sure it’s even discernible to passersby that I am running. I plod along until I reach the hill that leads home. Unable to face running/shuffling up the hill, I give up on minute 8 with 15 seconds left. Don’t judge me.
I cool down and return home, promptly lay on the living room floor and mumble for Jon to turn on the fan. I feel nauseous, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to get off the floor. And walking tomorrow? Yeah, I’m not planning on it. Forget the 5K. The couch is sounding better and better . . .